I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
