you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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