I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
