Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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