I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
