He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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