ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
