he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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