just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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