apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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