She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
