20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Operation Purity has been aborted
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
