how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
