Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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