It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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