OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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