I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
