I feel great
I just peed on a car
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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