I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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