Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
