I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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