I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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