apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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