So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
