True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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