someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
