I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
