I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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