I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
