he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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