; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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