hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
