dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
