we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
