Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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