You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
