I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
