so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
