How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
