actually, I'm a sock model
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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