Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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