how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
