I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
