his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
