You're my little dorito
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
