hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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