i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
