i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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