So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
