My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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